


deep breaths, quiet whispers

by rosieroser



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friend Squad (She-Ra), Bow Is a Good Friend (She-Ra), Catra-centric (She-Ra), Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Lesbian Disaster Adora (She-Ra), Lesbian Disaster Catra (She-Ra), Let Catra (She-Ra) Say Fuck, Light Angst, Post-Canon, i love these idiots and i need more best friend squad moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:35:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28199955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosieroser/pseuds/rosieroser
Summary: The war had been her whole life, and now that it was over, Catra didn't really know what to do with herself. Sure, Adora's friends— no, her friends, she reminded herself— had discussed going to space to restore magic to the universe, but everyone agreed they should relax for a little while now that they actually could. For Catra, this means a whole lot of time to think, and that’s never been easy.---
Relationships: Adora & Bow & Catra & Glimmer (She-Ra), Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow & Catra (She-Ra), Catra & Glimmer (She-Ra)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	deep breaths, quiet whispers

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing a fic, so it probably won't be very good! I've wanted to write this since I saw the finale of She-ra, though, so I decided I might as well go for it. Tell me what you think!

Catra stalked through the halls of Brightmoon, avoiding the wary gazes of the guards. Starlight shone in through the large windows, which was still something Catra was getting used to. The castle was eerily silent as she navigated the halls, the lack of mechanical whirring reminding her of the oppressive silence in Horde Prime’s castle. Catra suppressed a shudder at that thought, she’d have to get used to the quiet of Brightmoon at night eventually. She quickened her pace, wondering why she thought a midnight walk would be a good idea in the first place. Back in the Fright Zone, this kind of thing would be severely punished. Not anymore, though. Catra had to remind herself over and over that it was okay, she and Adora were finally safe.

_ Adora. _ That was yet another thing on Catra’s mind. Catra would never tire of the affectionate touches and secretive glances that she and Adora shared, and god, she’d never tire of kissing her. It was so overwhelming that Adora actually loved her. Below all the excitement, though, there was also dread. Catra wasn’t stupid, she knew eventually Adora would remember all the terrible things Catra had done and want to leave. There was no point in trying to convince herself otherwise. That didn’t mean Catra couldn’t enjoy it while it lasted, though. Living in the moment was one of the things Perfuma was helping her with. 

Taking a sharp turn around into the castle gardens, Catra decided she’d find a nice spot to sit here until she felt tired enough to go back to bed with Adora. In a few long strides, Catra entered the large greenhouse in the gardens that she’d never gotten the chance to explore. It took her a few moments to realize she wasn’t alone.

“Oh, shit! Catra! I didn’t see you come in,” Glimmer yelped, jumping from her seat and turning to face Catra.

“Uh, sorry, am I interrupting something?” Catra asked, looking down to where Glimmer had been sitting, a small log surrounded by thorny, black roses.

“No, it’s okay. I just wasn’t expecting anyone else to be here. Why are you up so late, anyway?” Glimmer inquired, sitting back down and patting the spot next to her.

“Couldn’t sleep.” Catra sat down beside Glimmer, settling down comfortably.

“Well, yeah, I gathered that much. I mean, is there any reason you can’t sleep? Is it the beds? Oh god, on her first day here Adora almost drowned in the bed!” Glimmer said, chuckling a bit at the fond memory.

“Nah, nothing’s wrong with the beds. I mean, they’re so big it’s ridiculous, but I can’t complain. I’ve just… been having trouble adjusting to all the freedom, I guess.” Catra trailed off near the end of her sentence, but Glimmer nodded along anyway. 

“I sorta get what you mean, I think. I mean, the situations are different, I didn’t move homes or anything, but after I became queen suddenly I was the one making the rules rather than following them, and I didn’t know what to make of it. It was scary, honestly.” Glimmer shifted a bin in her seat as if embarrassed to have said so much, so Catra nodded reassuringly. They didn’t have to say anything else. There wasn’t much else to be said. The two of them settled into a comfortable silence similar to the ones they often fell into on Horde Prime’s ship. The only difference was that this time, there was no wall separating them, emotionally or physically. 

They stayed that way for a long time, sitting side-by-side just close enough that their shoulders touched. Catra never would’ve allowed this much contact with anyone but Adora not even a month ago, but over these past few weeks Catra had grown to enjoy the small affections shared between friends. She’d probably die before admitting that though, Catra could vividly imagine the smug looks and friendly teasing she’d receive for saying something like that. After a few more moments of silence, Catra turned to Glimmer and spoke.

“Why are you even out here, anyway? I thought princesses had  _ strict _ bedtimes,” She teased, nudging Glimmer.

“I’ll have you know, Catra, I’m a queen, not a princess anymore. And, uh, I don’t know. I guess I couldn’t sleep either.” Glimmer looked down at her hands, biting her lip as if she was about to say more but thought better of it.

“C’mon, don’t give me that bullshit. You can, like, talk to me, or whatever emotional crap you princesses like to do. Seriously.” Catra stiffly patted Glimmer’s knee a few times, before pulling away.

“Well… okay. This garden is where I kept Shadow Weaver during her stay at Brightmoon. Ugh, I don’t know, I just feel…” Glimmer trailed off, looking down at her hands again. Catra froze, taking a moment to process the new information. Catra had heard bits and pieces of what happened with Shadow Weaver and Glimmer in Brightmoon, mostly from Adora, but with how stiff Glimmer had become Catra assumed there was a whole lot missing from the story.

“Hey, uh, look. I don’t know what happened with you and Shadow Weaver, but one thing I do know is that Shadow Weaver has a talent for bringing out the worst in people. So y’know… whatever happened, I bet it was mostly that old hag’s fault,” Catra said, still new in the business of comforting people. At that, Glimmer stayed quiet for a long time. 

“I’ve fucked up a lot. Too many times to count. But still, Adora and Bow are there for me. They’ll be there for you too, Catra. That’s just how they are. Thank you. Seriously. I needed this.” Glimmer’s voice is quiet as she stands up to leave, taking a few steps before pausing once more. “I owe you the full story of what happened with Shadow Weaver, but I’m fucking exhausted, and I bet you are too. Later, Horde scum,” Glimmer said, lips quirking up into a smile.

“Yeah. See you around, sparkles.” At that, Glimmer left, and soon after Catra followed. She really was fucking exhausted.

\---

Catra woke up the next morning in Adora’s arms. Light streamed in through the massive windows, slightly irritating considering Catra’s exhaustion. Catra nuzzled into Adora’s neck, listening to her breathing in a sorry attempt to go back to sleep. They stayed like that for a while. Adora still hadn’t woken up despite the sunlight, she’d always been a heavier sleeper than Catra. Once Adora finally awoke, Catra had already been up for almost half an hour.

“Look who’s finally awake. Did you stay up late, or something?” Catra teased, running her hands up and down Adora’s back as she yawned.

“Mmh. Morning, Catra,” Adora mumbled, pulling Catra in closer. Adora buried her face into Catra’s short, fluffy hair. “I’m hungry, let’s get ready soon,” Adora said, but made no motion to get out of bed. Catra grunted in agreement, content to lay in Adora’s arms for a little while longer.

This was special. Sure, Catra and Adora slept together most nights back in the Fright Zone, but Catra never woke up in Adora’s arms like this. Maybe it was that they shared the barracks with all the other cadets, or maybe it was that both of them were too scared for this kind of affection, but now that Catra  _ did  _ wake up like this every day? She knew there was no way she could go back to sleeping on the same mattress so far apart.

Eventually, Adora’s stomach grumbled loudly enough to convince them to get up. They stumbled through their morning routine and went down to the dining hall for breakfast. Catra noted that unsurprisingly, Glimmer hadn’t woken up yet, so she and Bow probably wouldn’t get down here for a while. Catra watched fondly as Adora stuffed her face. While the food here was a really big improvement to the Horde’s ration bars, Catra still didn’t have the biggest appetite, especially since she wasn’t exercising as much now that the war had ended. The dining hall bustled with activity, much like in the Fright Zone, though the attitude here was much less formal. As she finished her breakfast, Catra greeted Scorpia, Perfuma, and Entrapta before meeting up with Adora again. 

“C’mon, Catra, let’s look for Bow and Glimmer!” Adora said, tugging at Catra’s hand as they left the dining hall.

“Do we have to? I told you, I’m pretty sure Glimmer’s just sleeping late, we should wait for them to get ready,” Catra stated, following Adora.

“Glimmer never sleeps this late! Something might be wrong!” Adora countered, giving Catra’s hand another squeeze. Catra sighed.

“Nothing’s wrong. Sparkes was up late, is all. I’m sure they’ll be up and about soon,” Catra said. Adora paused before looking back at her.

“How do you know that? Were  _ you _ up late again?” Adora asked, looking at Catra with concern. Catra sighed and nodded. “C’mon, Catra, you know that’s bad for you. Plus, you wake up so early! How are you not tired?”

“I know, I know. I’m working on it, I promise. I just couldn’t sleep last night and I ran into Glimmer.” Catra looked up at Adora. “It’s a lot to adjust to, but we’ll get there.” At that, Adora gave Catra a big grin and pulled her into a hug.

“I love you, Catra.”

“Yeah, yeah, I love you too, princess.” Catra couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness remembering all of her regrets. Adora did deserve better.

\---

By the time Glimmer and Bow were up and ready, Catra and Adora had been up for hours. Catra supposed Glimmer was much better at compensating for lost sleep than her. Recently, most of Glimmer’s workload was helping all the newly-freed Horde soldiers adjust to living in Brightmoon. Not only were Hordak’s ex-soldiers having to adjust, but all the clones recently under the influence of Horde Prime had to completely rebuild their identities. So, yeah. Glimmer definitely had her work cut out for her. Between scheduling meetings and looking over rebuilding plans for Brightmoon, the four of them did manage to find time to eat lunch together. 

“So, guys, I was thinking…” Bow glanced across the table at Catra. “We should totally have a stargazing night tonight!” Adora nodded at Bow before looking over at Glimmer.

“Glimmer, do you have time tonight?” Adora asked, fidgeting in anticipation.

“I think so!” Glimmer turned to Catra. “Hey, what do you think, Catra? I know you haven’t gotten much sleep but maybe this would relax you?”

“Yeah, maybe. It’s not a half-bad idea, Bow. What time?” 

“We can meet up once Glimmer’s done all her work. We can go to the Whispering Woods form there and sort out all the details!” Bow chirped, smiling gleefully. Catra looked down to hide her smile. She’d never admit it, but she liked stargazing nights. It was a tradition they had picked up from the first night after the war ended when they were so exhausted that all they could do was lay in the grass and look up at the stars. It was peaceful. 

\---

Catra stepped through the foliage of the Whispering Woods, making her way to their agreed meeting spot. She’d decided to meet Adora, Glimmer, and Bow there a bit later than usual because she had wanted to hang out with Scorpia and Entrapta today. The Whispering Woods were quiet, leaves rustling in the wind from time to time. Catra’s ears perked up as she heard the familiar chatter of her friends. 

“Hey, guys. Hope I didn’t keep you waiting.”

“Catra! It’s okay, c’mere!” Adora patted the spot next to her. Catra trotted over and planted herself beside Adora on the soft blanket. She shifted a bit before settling down comfortably. A cool breeze rushed through the woods sending a chill down Catra’s spine. She leaned in closer to Adora and brought her gaze to the night sky.

Stars. They were amazing. It’d only been a few months since Etheria was brought out of Despondos, and every time Catra looked up at the night sky speckled with stars, Catra felt as if it was her first time looking at the sky. It was smothering. Every flicker of light in the sky was another one of Catra’s mistakes. Every life she had indirectly taken, everyone she had hurt, every friend she had pushed away, they were all sprawled across the sky in a violent reminder of the person Catra was.

Catra didn’t even realize she was crying until Adora gently brushed the tears off of her cheeks.

“Catra? What’s wrong?” Adora asked. Glimmer and Bow turned away from the night sky in favour of looking curiously at Catra and Adora. Catra shrunk away from their gazes.

“I’m- I don’t- I don’t know. I’m fine,” Catra said, voice shaking unconvincingly. Glimmer glanced over at Catra, hesitating.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Glimmer finally asked, looking away from Catra and back up at the stars. Catra’s first instinct was to lash out. Mask her insecurities with anger, scratch and kick and scream until no one dared to even look at her. It was easy to fall into those old habits, especially when she felt weak. But Catra was tired of lashing out. So instead, she spoke.

“I’m so sorry. For everything. I don’t deserve to be here. I should’ve died saving sparkles, or that was my plan anyway. I’ve hurt so many people and I know you guys deserve somebody better than me.” Catra narrowed her eyes and looked away from her three friends, staring adamantly at her hands. Bow was the first to break the silence.

“You’re wrong, Catra. It’s true, you’ve made a lot of mistakes, but it’s not your worst moments that define you. It’s the things you do try and be better that is most important,” Bow said. Glimmer nodded.

“Bow’s right. We love you because you’re trying your best. All of us have made mistakes, and that’s why we try to do better.” Glimmer looked around uncomfortably, embarrassed, and Catra broke.

“You should hate me, Glimmer! I’m the reason your mom is dead!” Catra shouted, recoiling from Adora’s reassuring touch. “I wish you hated me! That would make everything way less confusing!”

The trio of friends was silent. All of them were stunned, not expecting Catra’s outburst. Bow and Adora were looking at Catra wide-eyed as if her admission of guilt was completely unexpected. Glimmer just shrugged and sighed.

“I did hate you. For a long time, all I could think about was getting back at you, taking something from you that would hurt even more than when you took away my mom,” Glimmer said, looking up to meet Catra’s eyes. “The thing is, while I was busy wallowing in my grief, I almost destroyed everything. My friendships, the Princess Alliance, hell, I almost destroyed the entire world.” Glimmer paused, sorting out her thoughts. “After that, you saved me. You were the reason my mom was dead, but you were also the reason I was alive. Then even after everything I’d done, Adora and Bow gave me a second chance, and I suppose I realized that everyone can do better when they get a do-over.”

Catra didn’t know what to say to that. Glimmer’s words replayed over and over in her head as she tried to unscramble her feelings. In a weird way, it was comforting to know that Glimmer had hated her. It felt worse when Catra thought Glimmer was just letting her get away with everything she’d done, just forgiving her out of the kindness of her heart.

Now, Catra mulled over Glimmer’s speech. Obviously, Glimmer had deserved the second chance that Adora and Bow gave her. Glimmer fucked up big time, but Glimmer was a good person underneath all those layers of grief. Maybe, Catra wondered… was she a good person underneath all the hurt too?

Catra looked up at Glimmer and gave a small smile. Bow audibly let out a breath. Catra shuffled closer to the group.

“Okay, guys, I think this calls for a group hug!” Bow said, not doing a very good job of concealing his watery eyes.

“Yeah!” Adora said, breaking into a smile. “Best friend squad for life!”

“Ugh, fine,” Catra said, trying  _ very _ hard not to smile. Bow pulled them into a hug and they stayed that way for a very long time.

\---


End file.
